Back home and missing Joaquin

It’s now the 4th day in a row where I haven’t felt like I need to be in a hospital! YIPEE!!!

It’s so very nice being home and feeling well, but I feel such a huge void without Joaquin here.  My current challenge is how emotional I am about not seeing being able to see him  Since I was so sick while in the hospital, I’ve probably only held him a handful of times.  It’s now been about two weeks since I’ve even set eyes on him in person and it’s taking so much strength to get through this.  I’m praying with all my might that my test on Thursday comes back negative for c.diff and I can race over and see him, love him, hold him, read/sing/recite sonnets to him etc.  All I want is to bond with him and let him know he’s not alone.  It breaks my heart knowing he’s alone in his incubator listening to constant beeping and crying of other babies.  It’s not exactly how I imagined his first month of life to be.  I at least thought I could be spending more time with him in the NICU.  So….big prayers for negative test results!

Until then, I’m playing with ideas on how to turn his NICU incubator into a more personal place filled with love! Art, blankets, pictures and eventually some preemie clothes (he has to gain another pound or so before they let him wear clothes). Any other fun ideas for NICU personalization?

Much love,


2 thoughts on “Back home and missing Joaquin

  1. Melissa Baker says:

    Dear Vivian,

    I’m sure you’re missing your baby like crazy. Can’t they video stream his incubator — 24/7? It would be such a delight for you. Could you ask them to do that???

    Rest! Rest! Rest!

    Yes — yournew test will be perfect and you’ll be able to visit Joaquin right away. That’s my wish for you.

    Sasha can see him, right? That’s already a great comfort.

    Sending loving wishes your way, Melissa xo

    Melissa Smith Baker, MA Relationship Educator and Author 707-827-1660



    • vivavivian says:

      Hi Melissa!

      I wish we could do a 24/7 stream….I think the hospital is working towards that but in the meantime, I do get to FaceTime with him every so often. Sasha has been great about seeing him…not as much as this manic mother would like, but that would mean he’d be living at the hospital 🙂 but he saw him today and Joaquin is doing great…as usual. That little guy is such a trooper…i’m very excited to have him home soon.


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